Kickin'

So a little back information first. So I never wanted to have children because I found pregnancy to be disgusting. Having something growing inside of you being "normal" just seemed wrong. Generally when something is growing inside of you it's a tumor, cancer, or something else that is just bad. I never had a problem with adpoting and thought that it would be a wonderful thing to adpot. You get to give an unwanted child a home full of love and you don't have to go through pregnancy. I still feel the same way about pregnancy, although I am pregnant. I now understand though the reason for having "your own" children. I have never felt so much love for anyone in my life then I do for my husband. Having children really is the ultimate expression of that love. We are creating a symbol of out love and it's greater then anything I can really explain. I have never felt more in love or closer to Gary then I do now.

With all that being said, at 17 weeks, 6 days I was relaxing on the couch when I suddenly felt something in my belly. It took a minute or so to process and I realized that the baby was kicking. After realizing what happened and talking to Gary, I called my mom. I started crying and couldn't stop. I was so freaked out and disgusted. My worst nightmare had finally come true. My mom was so excited about it and trying to be understanding and reassuring but nothing was helping. Gary tried to comfort me but again, it wasn't helping. It's been a week and a half since that first time and little Isabella has been kicking a lot more. Every time she does, I have to convince myself that it's just a muscle spasm so that I can remain calm. I know that her kicking is a great sign. It means she's there, healthly, and moving. All good things. But it doesn't help me be ok with it. It still grosses me out. So with all this being said, please no one touch my stomach. I am not ok with it and I might seriously punch you in the face. :)

So it might seem like I'm not excited but I am. I mean yes, I am grossed out by knowing she's growing inside of me, but I am very excited to have her and for her to be here. So excited in fact that yesterday after finding out that we were having a girl, Gary and I did some shopping. A couple of cute dresses and such later, we started working on the nursary. Curtains are hanging. I love them. They're perfect. I will leave you with pictures of the curtains and of course, the first picture of our baby girl.